he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
