my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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