I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
