Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
