So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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