You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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