im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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