plz talk dirty to me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hippo gnu deer
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize