I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize