You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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