You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize