Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
