1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
