So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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