I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
