I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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