listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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