Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize