Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
