He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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