i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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