She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
