CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
