so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize