bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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