Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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