Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
