dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
