Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize