Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
