Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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