Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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