Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize