2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
