Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
