I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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