Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
