Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
