In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
