the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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