Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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