yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
