Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
