fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize