I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
