waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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