i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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