I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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