RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
