piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
