I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
