"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
