I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
