Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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