i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
