Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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