Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
