just come out here and I will go home with you...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
