I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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