tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
