i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
