yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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