and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
