Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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