I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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