It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So much rum. So many feels.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
