I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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