you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
