I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
