Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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