My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
