i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
