Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
