you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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