Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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