This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
