I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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