I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
