You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
