im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
