her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
