i just had sex bonerless
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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