i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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