I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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