All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
