Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
