I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
