i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
