im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
