dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize