Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
