Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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