By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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