I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
