Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
